Walking and Talking…

I have never been a morning person. I don’t ever remember waking up in the morning and being excited about it …even when it was Christmas I always wanted just a hour or two longer to marinate in the covers. And even if I did happen to wake up in the morning with the alarm I want quiet time to enjoy the thoughts I will have about that awkward dream I just had before I woke up ( I always have strange dreams before I wake up) . And then I need to contemplate whether or not I’m going to bathroom right away and I need to pray and command my day . There are several important things that I need to do before I just wake up. But since I have kids , they do not respect that time I need to wake up.  And honestly I cannot believe I actually birthed anybody who does not wake up like me.

When I had my first two kids they were calm and quiet much like I am in the morning and then I gave birth to the next set in my 30’s . You would think that with age the kids would be more calm and relaxed. Well they are not and the go to sleep and wake up the same way . LOUD. I have never in my life heard so much screaming and crying as I have in the last 6 years. And I guess because they are so close in age …they cry about everything and I mean everything .

Growing up I was a pretty independent , very quiet , no drama kinda kid . Give me a book a good movie and some food and I was fine. I never cried , I hardly complained and I ate whatever was placed in front of me . Most of all I always went to sleep when I was told and cooperated with most or practically all the things I was told to do…I had one problem, I was very clingy . I needed to know where my parents were at all times. AMF as I am writing this I saw my Dad walk thru the kitchen and disappear , NO LIE, I am wondering where he disappeared to, and when he comes back near me I’ll be sure to ask. So it didn’t come as a surprise when my second daughter took on that clingy blessing.

I have to be honest at first it was okay that she was constantly looking for us and wondering where we were . It was not out of the ordinary that she would hug us if we disappeared. She tells us she loves us often and she gives hugs all day . Shes kinda like a cat…she’s always somewhere just looking at me smiling . I’m pretty sure that’s payback for how I do my parents.  BUT the rest of this isn’t payback its just misery.

My kids go to bed hungry and wake up hungry. They go to bed irritated , they wake up irritated. And they are loud. VERY LOUD. EXTREMELY Loud. Now I ask you , my friends please tell me who I need to talk to in order to clear this up. Is there a doctor I need to take them too, Is there a device that I need to wrap them in for bed . Is there a remedy to keep them quiet in the morning ?

LOL

Up Early Still

Loving LIfe

Tesha

What’s New

On my last blog I was so upbeat about what was happening around here while my husband is away. But today I am not in that same space of optimism . I am over this period of training . Really over it .  I thought to myself that he has experienced everything he has ever desired to experience since we have been married. He’s changed jobs twice to help our family and with each move and each process I have been patient and encouraging. And now with a positive mind I am ready for all this training to be over and we have another 5 weeks or so after this …insert violins and honey buns and chocolate syrup. Yup I’m emotional . ;( And maybe I deserve a vacation on some beach with a lot of money.

On a positive note …schools out for Summer. I’m preparing the kids for a new schedule. Pray for me that I get this new schedule down pact before Dad comes homes. Anthony leaves the day before Portland’s 4th birthday and we will celebrate the week before. He will miss our annual 4th of July cook out …no shrimp for him .

We experienced a tearful graduation ceremony for PK . I know it won’t be the same when he returns but it was an experience that was worth all the tuition that was paid out this year. My godson graduated from high school , I feel like he grew up but we didn’t . Two very exciting moments that we were able to share this past week. I get tearful typing this because I know that next year will be the year that my son graduates from high school. Life is moving so fast and we have to prepare for the change that life brings us daily.

And now for me …I joined a few facebook pages dedicated to military spouses, (I really get tickled reading how much men miss their wives, and need them home). Who knew they existed its like a different world. They are devoted and on top of everything that is going on week by week  . I am used to meeting new people but I got to tell you I feel out of my element. Like I’m not a part of the group and all the information they give makes me have anxiety. I get so nervous about the things that I should have already done but have not done yet. So I’ve had to shut down and watch movies .Which brings me to the Shack…why do people like weird movies ? I had to turn that off because my mind was not prepared for the people oh well I will restart it during the day when I’m prepared . Did yall know Minnie from The Help plays in a lot of movies? Kinda like Oprah who plays Sophia in all of her movies. I love Sophia though.

Continue to pray for me and pray for my friend as she edits all my posts. LOL

loving life always

Tesha

Love Yo Self

This past week end we celebrated Mother’s day . Mother’s day is one of those holiday’s that are often overdone or not acknowledged well. ( I am totally over the Facebook posts tho …for real )I traditionally don’t celebrate Mother’s Day for myself because I’ve never really felt like a mother . And when I was a single Mom I really never acknowledged Mother’s Day unless responding to my own Mom . But this year I thought about something as I received a Mother’s day card from my husband …I should not have one day to be celebrated I should be ceremoniously  celebrated daily. Every time a child says …Mommy I should be given some sort of music playing in the background, there should be flowers thrown at my feet after all I delivered a fully formed human out of my body from a place that only dispenses liquids. I along with all other mother’s am a super hero. There is an invisible S on my chest that stands for Supercalifragilisticespialidocious or something like that .

I knew my mother was sick with my youngest brother while she was pregnant with him .I watched her snatched body morph from tiny to mighty (MOM I couldn’t think of a better word) . I watched as her light skin changed by hormones, I watched as the pregnant hair left her head and the moment she had to begin again . Yet she seemed to love us. She wanted the best for us and after we were adults and had our own kids she loved them too. She’s definitely worthy of music, roses and more , even for generously and selflessly taking in my children as if they were her own . And at times during my pregnancies we walked thru those times together , I was sick , she was sick. I craved, she ate with me…that’s love.

And then I had my own kids. When I had the first two,  age got in the way of emotions. I cried a lot because of the new lifestyle that I was about to face  and the unwillingness to want my life to drastically change in the ways I knew they were about to change . And then I gave birth to my first daughter. She was late … to me she was the boys before her came three weeks before time and she waited to the absolute last minute to make her entrance in the world . I was one miserable chick. And by the time I made it to the hospital I was exhausted I wanted nothing more than for her to be out of my body and on here own . But it wasn’t just that simple. She came out and the room was completely quiet. I heard absolutely nothing. And then everything went fuzzy, I was blacking out but I knew I had two other humans that were waiting on me and needed me , not to mention that she needed me.  Every breath I took after that was for them . Every now and then I heard my mother speak in tongues and say Jesus. I knew she was praying and God was in control. In giving birth to my 3rd child I could have lost my life from giving life. The moment I heard her breathe for the first time was the moment I regained my consciousness.

Experiencing all of that I thought , girl…you gotta love yourself.  Because no one can understand your struggle as much as you understand your own struggle . You are the only person that can and will appreciate the moments you have been through storms  . So the next time you are laying in bed on Mother’s day expecting breakfast in bed…get up and fix or make it happen . Buy yourself something daily…from me to me . Take yourself out because nobody is going to love you like you love you but maybe your mom and even she has a limit.

LOVING MYSELF

Tesh

Life Begins…Again

In November 2016 my husband pledged an oath to our country to help serve in the military. He had talked about joining a portion of the military even before we were married but after 7 years of marriage I didn’t expect it to come at this time in life. We are not the most patriotic people in the world, not saying that we don’t like the county in which we live but we don’t raise flags or anything like that .  However this was something that he felt he had to fulfill and being an Army brat himself , you can say it was in his blood more or less.

Most of my friends know how much my life drastically changed as my husband joined the military. For 6 years I have been an exclusive stay at home mom, although I’ve had side jobs here and there as well as working for my Dad’s church . I’m out often and in those times I’ve had so many people ask me …What do you do all day with those babies?My husband has been very inquisitive about my day to day a lot more since he has been gone.  I guess being able to talk and text daily made it easier to imagine my life rather than letters here and there .

Because he is away I don’t like to share a lot of things with him because I don’t want him to worry besides that I hate writing letters ( funny right ) and those five minute phone calls don’t allow me the opportunity to say enough. But in this time I’ve had a lot of opportunities to think just solely on me . And as wonderful as that sounds it can be a scary place if you’re not prepared.

So what have I been doing since he’s been gone. Well…the kids go to bed a little earlier but they also wake up a little earlier. We spend a lot of time in Wal mart …not because I need something but because I have the kids and I always forget what I came there for so lists have been made to make lists and to remember the lists that were made. I decided to be busier … starting a book club which didn’t go so well because they were all mom’s with difficult schedules. I’ll have to work on that .  My bath’s are much shorter and that time before my bath that I had just for me …yea not anymore. I never sit down to dress the kids anymore. I comb hair , wash faces and brush teeth all in one .  We leave the house earlier too and go …well to Walmart. The show’s I lived to watch after the kids have gone to sleep are now shows that watch me .

I’ve finally figured out what Port says at night and he can sleep alone. Pk can also sleep alone with little help and no correction . I’m still working on Carrington maybe she was nursed too long but she sleeps with me every night and even when she sleeps in her own bed she still manages to wake up in my bed .

Food is still top priorities in our house. No one ever gets full.  But leftovers have died in the fridge probably bc Anthony is not here to eat them . I’ve learned to buy things that they don’t really like but will eat bc its there and in turn it stays around a lot longer . Pier told me that I really don’t like the organic things I buy but  I continue you to buy them bc they hate it  and won’t eat it. And that is true. The kids still , take thing from especially P and no they still walk in my room and look at me every other hour. Not wanting anything but to stare at me , I am getting pay back for those times I did the same thing to my parents.

I fill the cars up each week . I’ve lost the bolt to the tag on the little car…Peyton made a bolt…Let’s just hope the rain doesn’t make is soggy because it is made with paper. Dad makes sure we get breakfast on Sunday mornings. Mom still makes eating pleasurable and she has added to her list of things she needs Anthony to do upon his return .  I thought I would have more time to blog or to write but I’ve had to be both mom and Dad so making time for that has been tough especially when my inspiration comes at 6 AM and I’m too sleep to move my fingers.

We have had two birthday’s and two holidays. I’ve learned how to keep it moving. Getting to know myself again is an amazing journey . In all I feel like this was an appointed time to allow this to happen this year . I am thankful daily for this experience.

 

Yet …Still, I love life

Tesha

Birthday’s Surprises and More…

This week started off as a normal week with the exception that it happened to be my youngest daughters birthday .  I was so excited to be celebrating a milestone birthday with her, she was finally turning 5 (LOL) . I know but it was a big deal considering they were babies for like 6 years together , seriously. If you don’t get it it just means that one will be in the 1st grade , one in Kindergarten and one in pre kindergarten . To me that was worth a celebration . So I decided to take them all to the movies . Our first choice was Smurfs but since it was at the smaller theater we settled for Beauty and the Beast.

They were so excited to be heading into the movies. The girls had gone before on separate occasions but it was the first time for the last one. He was thrilled about the popcorn and the gummies,  he couldn’t get enough of the video games .  So after I gave my left pinky toe to get us all in the movies with all the fixings it was time for us to walk into the movies. Thankfully it was 12 PM and there was no one else in there but us because things turned quickly after that.

As soon as we walked into the movies nobody knew how to walk and carry their items. So I had to carry everybody’s snack pack along with all of the other things that I didn’t need with me as I tried to prepare for all conditions of their first movie experience. And trust me I didn’t need any of that…I probably needed a switch or something of the sort.

Needless to go into all the details but one kid screamed when HE saw the screen , one claimed that her seat was swallowing her and one asked me was she eating salt chunks. All they talked about for months was going to the movies having their own popcorn and relaxing in their own chairs. All my dreams of a happy birthday seemed to be diminishing.  We left after one hour and 10 seconds into the movie, oh and 3 bathroom breaks.

All had not failed we still had about a week to celebrate because Pk’s birthday was next and she was turning 6 in 3 days . That afternoon the birthday girl was blessed with an ice cream cake in her favorite color. They both received baby alive dolls ( with only one diaper) And this baby pees like no other. And then we had an impromptu party , with hats and other party appropriate things. ( pictures are posted on my personal facebook page)

We partied till Friday and then I looked at the gifts that I had bought them and wondered how a barbie that they just got less than 2 hours ago looked more like an old drunk and remember those baby alive’s they received on Monday , they ran out of diapers on Tuesday and Wednesday we had to buy more bc if you feed them they will poop or pee and that’s not happening on the floor or on my couch.  No I didn’t buy those 6 baby alive diapers for $10 I purchased a pack of new born diapers , parents choice. Those babies have not been fed since Thursday.

Thursday was Pk’s Birthday … 16 fun filled pink and purple bags with play doh , pencils and Pk’s favorite chocolates went to school that morning. Pk had a classmate that shared the same birthday so I didn’t have to send cupcakes to school so we had cupcakes at home for cousins and brothers. We experience a cold front that day with rain so we planned to continue the celebration Friday with a trip to Chickfila and Toys R us.  She had already made her mind up on what she and her baby sister wanted on their birthday . Piece of cake …I love easy to please kids .

The cute little tutu cupcakes I had sat up for months looking for and finally found the perfect mixture of their personalities on a cupcake …tumbled over weighed down by icing  and the car ride from the shop to the house . Did I mention that my girls don’t like cake or icing…or bread. So yea next year will will buy a fruit tray with candles. But the candles were a hit and the cupcakes were delicious !  They just loved the colors, Go Figure!

Thinking of next year already.  Thanks to everyone we love the most for the beautiful gifts we had a blast.