Friends…Revisited and What NOT…

I wrote a blog a week ago about friendships and my journey to find new friends. In that particular blog I mentioned a friend… I gave a vague opinion of the friend. Never expecting her to read the post , never expecting her comment on the post but just like life… everything happens for a reason . And it was an opportunity to talk about things that we had not talked about and an opportunity for me to think of how to be a friend.

Friendships comes with a lot of understanding, a lot of forgiveness and a lot of communication. And if you are not willing to give any or all of it you are not willing to be  true to a friendship.  I must admit that communication is an issue for me . I am easy to cut a person off if things feel uncomfortable and because we are humans its pretty often that we do not take the time to understand how another person really feels about their situations. We are so wrapped up in ME…that we ignore the signs of someone that may be taking a situation differently .

Have I been as understanding with feelings and emotions as I should? Nope! I’ve been so caught up with things that were going on in my everyday life that I have neglected to really realize what can or will upset a friend. Am I wrong? Yes . Can I make it right ? Sure.

One thing I have learned from being a Pastors daughter is how to forgive, how to understand and how to have compassion . I’ve also learned a lot of other defense mechanisms that have allowed me to block, ignore and look the other way . And in a lot of ways I have brought those good and bad things into all of my relationships.

All relationships are give and take . I give an ear and you lend an ear. I give attention and you lend your attention. Friends are supposed to uplift and encourage. Friends are never jealous or envious. Friends are happy when you win and there to build you up when you fall. Friends hold you accountable to live a life of integrity. Friends tell you the truth and never lie. Friends never lie on you , never lie about their feelings toward you .

So I said that to say … Was I being a great friend ?

 

Ahhhh , another question another blog .

loving Life

Tesha

Facing the Facts

I have written about this , I have thought about this and as much as I like to crack jokes and laugh about the insignificant things in life this is probably a subject that I cannot get a way from . What am I talking about …race. Its an issue that unfortunately in my face whether I want it to be or not .

Today I got up and just wondered how life would be if I wasn’t continuously defending myself as a black woman .  Being black is more than just my skin color. Being black means that I am immediately judged. I am immediately classified in a way that sets me a part from everyone else. I am constantly made to feel like I’m less than my counterparts. And because I have to prove myself so much I am often judged and classified as mean or the black b—h. And if I am not that I am some white males fantasy.

I get tired of the constant stares of those older individuals that look at me when I walk into a store with all 5 of my kids and then ask me the question…,  ‘Its gotta be hard to be a single parent.” Assuming that just because I am alone with kids that I couldn’t possibly be married.

I get tired of people asking me …can I touch your hair. How did you get it like that ? As if I sculpted my hair in sort sort of weird way. I wash my hair and flat iron it just like you . And then the dreaded …I’m almost dark as you . No you’re not . I want you to be white like you are and let me be black.

I get tired of you doing a double take every time I mention the fact that I attended school at the University of Mississippi . And yes there have been several times that I have been disappointed that I attended a school with so many old south traditions. But at the same time I felt very proud to be one of many that have walked those halls of a school who once did not allow my people to attend . You would think we would have achieved so much now but Ole Miss ( yea) still has a black quota.

Stop asking me why I want confederate symbols to come down . How many Jews want to see anything referring to Hitler. Stop thinking that slavery and Martin Luther King ( although he was an awesome guy) are the only things that I have to be proud of . I am more than slavery.

My children are more than athletes. They are more than your winning sports team. My son’s have ideas, dreams and goals that are outside of sports and if they do have interests in sports let’s balance this out. I am tired of worrying about my kids as they drive down the street for a wal mart visit. I’m tired of being afraid every time that a police will stop them just because they are black and not because they actually did something .

I am tired of playing second fiddle to everything. Do you not realize that besides Oprah there aren’t any leading black women in power? And don’t bring up, Kerry Washington , her character is having an affair with a white man. Am I not bigger than being a side chick. Every role that has been noteworthy in or Oscar worthy has been about a slut, a slave or a the side chick.

When I was a child no one wanted full lips or a big butt. But now we aren’t even given credit for what is in our DNA. And we have the thighs and legs to help hold up that butt and the nose to go with those lips so give us back our fair share…

Oh well …life of a black woman.

Loving Life,

Tesha

House Hunting…

House Hunting

Just want to be transparent for a moment. I have been obsessed for the last year to find the perfect house . So much so that I have probably found several perfect houses but one thing can be off and then its  back to the drawing board. Why am I looking for a house, well I think I like the idea of finding , searching and looking . One day I will become a realtor and we will eventually flip houses. Its almost like a rush that comes over me when I see something that I like . I’ve learned a lot of lessons while searching for a house. So I decided to share what I have found and learned. Let’s go house hunting .

  1. Find a good realtor. I have worked with mine for several years. We have spent several years getting to know each other and he knows exactly what I like and which houses are worth my time .
  2. Focus on a specific locations . Just because a house is at your price point but not in your desired neighborhood you will hate that house forever. I found this out when we bought our first house. It was a cute house but it was on a major thru street . Hated it.
  3. Don’t pay attention to house decor. Look at houses not focusing on what or how they decorated houses.
  4. Empty houses are the best. Its never fun walking into a house with animals that you discover as you are walking thru the house. NEVER FUN and are always on my list for a no.
  5. Paint colors can be changed. Don’t get stuck on colors of paint and carpet on floors those are always easy fixes.
  6. . Do worry about cabinets. We purchased our second house in a hurry and when we finally moved in and looked a the cabinets that had been there since 1967 I couldn’t use them they were old and dirty . UGH I put my dishes in plastic boxes …I never used the kitchen . We lived there 6 mos .
  7. Location matters. You never want to buy an expensive house in a less expensive neighborhood. Your resale will be off. If your house is 222k and the other houses around you are selling for 70k unless its a neighborhood is on the mend. Run away you will never be able to resale your house and you may be missing a few items when you leave.
  8. If a neighborhood has H O A it probably has a higher standard in residents. These people are willing to pay extra money to live in a neighborhood every years so they have extra money to invest in their homes. They will probably have beautiful yards and lower crime.
  9. New homes are the best but expect to add extra money to your home buying experience . You will spend extra money on window treatments, bug spraying, grass and greenery .
  10. Enjoy the process , don’t get so caught up in finding something that you forget to enjoy the moment. I have gone to bed so many nights worried about an offer being rejected . I have cried about houses that weren’t even the house I wanted in the first place. We have went after homes that we have hated , lived in them and then hated them more.

Happy House Hunting!

Friends. Relationship. Best Friends…Blah.

I have never felt like I fit into a particular group when it came to friendships. I was too quiet for the loud girls. Too churchy for the cool girls. To prissy for the tomboys. Too bougie for my hood sisters and too hood for my bougie sisters. I was kinda in the middle of things . I like to have fun , crack jokes, throw spontaneous parties, be nosey with the latest gossip, give my opinion , and then laugh about my opinion because it was of course meaningless.  I loved shopping, putting on make up for no reason , texting about meme’s that are funny to me on Instagram.  I loved big earrings, starbucks coffee, I loved talking about the new remedy I found to clear up the worst sinus infection . I like taking girl trips, going to the movies and then out for Mexican food. Day parties are fun , sun dresses and flip flops and since we have a new president in office I love talking about that with someone else and how much I missed 2008 (LOL) My whole thing is that most of the time I was doing all of this with my Mother . And no, Mom and I are not best friends  or are we?

I started my 2017 year off saying … MORE NEW FRIENDS. And to have friends you have to be friendly.  So how could I, a working mother and  wife with no time on her hands find time to be friendly. Well I have to  start returning those phone calls that I missed last year. Maybe I can text my friends first to tell them Happy whatever before they tell me …that’s friendly right? Maybe I will go out to events that people my age would attend . But what do Mom’s and Dad’s in their 30’s do besides things for their kids? Maybe I can start a book club. I loved to read and I know there are other’s that like to read . But who has time to meet? More importantly who has time to read…well I do .

When I met and married I never thought I would be in the house considering life outside of him. I mean when you are single and planning to be married the last thing you think about is friends. On the week ends when we had time we never spent those hours with friends and now after being together 9 years ( I think)  I look at him and say , yea I don’t wanna spend Friday with you every week end  . LOL

I have not always been friendless for years I shared time and information with someone ,( remember my last blog post when I mention her) . We used to sing together , cry together and laugh together ( per Yolanda Adams 1993) . I thought we would be friends for a lifetime but time and circumstances separated us and now we don’t even consider ourselves friends and unfortunately this was the time that I probably needed a friend the most. I thought we would be like the golden girls one day , Oprah and Gayle , Beyoncé and Kelly , Kim and Lala,  Tiny and Shikinah .  Ahhhh I digress. We are more like Kandi and Phaedra….well not that bad.

All in all everyone needs friends , preferably more than one . That way if one falls there is another one to catch you . Friendships should last a lifetime, just because you are mad one day don’t mess up the history you have together . Well back to the drawing board.

Still.

Loving Life!

 

 

New Roads…New Adventures

So when I married my husband I had to learn how to embrace free spirit-nism. I am a person who writes things down like five times in three different notebooks. I look at the notes like 30 times before I have to preform the tasks and I always without fail overthink everything. I never want to be a complete failure at anything that I do , and most of all I usually want everything I do I want to have the most fun , if its possible . On the other hand my husband is my direct opposite. He’s the type person that says let’s go to the beach 6 hours away at 5PM on a Friday night . He will tell me that if we leave now that it would only take us 3 hours to get there and it won’t hurt us to leave at 3 AM Sunday morning to get back to our wonderful youth department. Me on the other hand …I hate it ! I will get in the car with him but I will try to convince him that there are other places we can get to in a few hours and still have fun and we have experienced several Friday nights in different cities just for the fun of it . I have learned to enjoy and then over plan when I got back home .

Image result for pictures of black lady  writing notes

It didn’t come as a surprise to me when he decided to make a career change that would cause him to travel across the Southeastern US weekly. And it really wasn’t a surprise when he told me that he had enlisted in the Air Force.  All of my plans I had for the next 3 months were scattered. I spent the entire month of January trying to plan for life in March April and May but how would I when I didn’t know what would happen . Suddenly I felt out of place. I would call my best friend and just talk for hours about nothing just to get my mind off the things that would possibly happen to us.  I knew that there would be a day that he would leave but that date was to be determined. It caught me off guard when he came in and told me the date he had for training .  This meant he would miss our daughters birthday’s , Pk’s Kindergarten graduation and play. He would miss Memorial day and Easter. So many plans that we had , so many week end trips, so many mini vacations missed.

 

There is a lesson in everything. My lesson in this is the power of patience and that sometimes our plans change.

Living and Loving Life

 

Tesha