Names.

When my daughter PK came home from her first day of school with the list of names of the students in her class I noticed a common trend…hyphens. And that hyphenated name always ended with Grace. Somehow Grace is ALWAYS the common denominator. Who knew 20 years ago that the name Grace would be so popularly hyphenated by other older names that have since made a comeback.

Those names are cute in Kindergarten and first grade and even as infants . Its only when you get in the 7th or 8th grade you wonder what a person was thinking when they named a baby , Mae, dropping the Grace. Well even the Mae-Grace sounds a little differently when you are growing up. You remember the cute blonde girl that was a model named Frances…yea me either. (LOL)

Let me just start with my name, Tesha, its a simple name with only 5 letters. However it has been one of the most mispronounced name in history. I first realized there was a problem when I was about 3 or 4 and I would tell people my name and after clearly saying TEE- SHA they still called me Tish. I get it , we give everybody nicknames but I realized quite early that this was not a nickname on purpose it was a nickname because they could not pronounce my name. And it was my own people , the inventors of the , “Esha’s, ” that could not pronounce my simple name.

I have to be honest I hated my name. I just wondered what my parents where thinking when they named me Tesha .Thank God they did not add a LA or TA or even a CA, I don’t think I could have made it with those names. I mean my parents had regular All American names like Pamela and Tom. How simple could it have been for them to find a simple name for me like Heather or Samantha (lol).

Another thing that bothered me was pronouncing my name w a short e. What black girl do you know who has an ESHA in her name using a short E, seriously. By the end of my 11th grade year I was so frustrated by my name that I had this genius idea to change the spelling of my name and maybe some people would be able to say it right. I learned then that no amount of corrective spelling could change how people tore a part my name .

Consistently for my entire life I have been called the wrong name. And it has brought a lot of embarrassment to my life and a lot of unwanted conversations. Every class I’ve attended , every year ( unless I had a previous teacher) always went thru this whole process of saying my name first and then letting them repeat. My freshman year of college I allowed one professor call me Kesha for two semesters and he was faithful at it too . I have ran into him once or twice since college and he still calls me Kesha…followed by did I get it right. I would smile and say…yea I had given up at that point.

I thought well let me change up things with the names of my children. I would give them just simple names, nothing special. And names with some sort of nice meaning…if it means anything. So Peyton came…no trouble saying that name . And then I thought I’d be creative with the P theme and name my second son Pier. Nothing special about his name other than its different. We have all seen a Pier One store, been on a Pier , read about a Pier …yet people have screwed his name up too. How do you mess up a one syllable name ? Is it because he’s black ( I had to).

Well that didn’t work , I assume PK , Palmer and Portland will fair a little better in school unless they get that one teacher who thinks that I was that clever Mom and instead of calling my daughter just Palmer the boring two syllable name and change it to Pah ALMer…I guarantee you it will happen and when it happens I will be right back her blogging about the whole thing.

So rather than be embarrassed for the name my Mother gave me, I’m wondering how do I make my name A NAME.

Living Life!

Tesha

The Responsibility of Life… 

Currently I’m sitting inside a funeral of one our family members.  She was loved by several and the family is definitely mourning.  We will miss her dearly.  Its a sad occasion but I cannot let this moment pass without me reflecting on life and it’s responsibility.  

I stayed up late reflecting on my life.  I thought of the good choices I’ve made and bad choices I’ve made.  In all of my choices I’ve made I realize that they have been consequential and degregational and most of all regretful . Unfortunately , very few have given me great joy. And if I feel that way about myself,  how do I expect others to think any differently of me.. 

I spent several nights reflecting on my past and how I have  affected others by the choices that I’ve made.  How much of my life choices is reflective on the choices that others have made?  See there is a responsibility to life and it affects everything and just about everyone.
I traveled down memory lane and followed my life down my facebook timeline (lol) . You can learn a lot about yourself that way.  I looked at my status updates,  the news articles  I posted.  Was I engaged in life or was I missing the mark. 

I reflected back on those guys I dated.  I wondered what I was thinking and Why was I so friendly. I cringed,  I  cried. At points in my life I wasn’t worried about getting married or what others thought I was just wasting time. Ugh.But how did that affect others that looked up to me?  

I cannot change the past even though I want to close the window and slam the door to the foolish things I’ve done.  I’d love to revisit the good things I’ve done but I cannot. Unfortunately we cannot change things. But with the life I have remaining I can correct those poor choices.  I can help those who may be trying to walk down the same path as me. I have a responsibility and so do you. 

Loving  life Tesha 

To Enjoy or Nah…

What a better day to talk about love. Its Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. Heck love has been in the air since November , we are fighting daylight savings time, shorter days and longer nights. Some of us are refusing to be depressed alone and finding someone to share in the experience of your depression with you would be the icing on the cake . And then March will come and the smells will change you feel like you can conquer the world and you will start to think…I can do bad by myself I was just fine alone . I guess that is just the cycle of life. And its absolutely what’s normal and what happens but let’s talk just a moment about when its real or when its a fantasy.

We live in the moment of reality television and now with the onset of reality television and social media we see things posted daily about love . We see the flowers sent to the office unexpectedly, we see the new car purchased for his spouse without her knowing . We see all the upgrades of wedding rings, new houses, new purses, fun vacations and cute Christmas cards and we look in awe and say I want that too. And it is easy to make it happen for us.

Especially to you singles who are waiting for the right person in your life. Find something that really satisfies your life , think up a hobby, start a business, blog or vlog enjoy you so that you are able to enjoy someone else.

First thing first connect with the perfect person.

Be very honest with yourself when asking yourself what can I give to a relationship. There shouldn’t be just one person giving in a relationship and one person who is always receiving. It is true that a woman is the receiver and the man is the giver but there are some things that a woman can give in a relationship that just makes things work. It its not about being sexy and knowing how to cook, she brings the balance in everyday life knowing when to listen about his job as well as talk about her interests and goals. And a man is not just responsible for paying the bills, he brings the balance in communication and trust as well as encourages you to reach your full potential.

Take Everyone out of the equation

When I say this I mean to take everyone out the equation I mean , stop looking at those cute posts of social media, stop fantasizing how you would like for your life to be and live in reality. You are supposed to have positive ,” influencees ” but just because my husband and I doing something and we are your role models doesn’t mean its the proper time for you to do the same things. Timing is everything. And just because its popular doesn’t mean that its right for you . Do whats best for you.

Family is Important

Even though you feel like you are an adult your family plays a vital role in your happiness. Don’t break relationships for a person. No relationship is worth putting a damper on the family you were birthed into. It should not affect how you feel about your sisters, brothers , uncles and aunts. Its not you and them against the world. Blood is Always NEEDED.

Be Honest with each other

If something bothers you a little bit while you are dating its going to be so much worse when you get married. I mean that tic that he had while you guys were dating and you were ok with it because you didn’t live together and you could go home and not deal with it…well you will have at least 12 hours in a given day to deal with that tic and according to wedding vows, you cannot leave because they breathe funny.
I don’t care how many sleepless nights you have, divorce is not the option. So be honest with each other about what you can or cannot live with . What is your deal breaker, make those decisions before you say I do and be prepared to not like everything about that person but find out on the side before you say I do instead of after. Chances are you will know before don’t miss the signs.

Again be very honest with your partner because on the other hand you can divorce based off fraud. Don’t have someone believing you can or will do something that you have any intentions in doing. Be polite and say I cannot become a millionaire in two years, I cannot have kids I don’t want to blow my figure. I cannot buy you a 6 bedroom house because my credit is not up to par but if you would give me some time I can make it happen. Now if you cannot work that out then its very easy to move on. We have all have had break ups before . It will hurt but you will make it.

Be Authentically YOU

No one but you have to live in any situation . Make sure you show your true colors. When I dated my husband life for me was wonderful, I was working , paying bills, meeting goals, and then one day the economics fell and it fell after we were married. My happy go lucky life changed , I was dependent on him and hated it. I had a side of me that came out that even I didn’t know existed. I am sure that he wanted to bail several times but we rebound and learned how to handle things further. Now had we not been honest with ourselves about our salvation and our prayer life we could have cussed each other off and walked off. But that’s not the way any of this works.

All in all make life the best you can , be honest, authentic, love hard and connect with the right person.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Tesha

Youtube Sensations

I am so proud of my two little girls , who are not twins but happen to be so close in age ( 12 months ) that they do appear to be twins . They play make believe all day and I enjoy when they just play and not constantly watching television . But in their spare time they spend a lot of time on youtube (kids) yes there is a difference.

I never knew that I could film them playing with their toys and make millions of dollars. Who knew that this could even happen? And why didn’t anyone tell me back in the 80’s when I made up all those songs in the bathroom while my Dad yelled at me to stop the madness. Listen people if I had known I could make money filming myself, I would film all of these conversations I have with my Mom while I’m still in the bed and she is excited about what she’s talking about and I still have one eye shut. I bet that could make a lot of money. Heck it is not too late , stay tuned.

Anyway back to the matter at hand…my children are obsessed with these youtube stars Nya and Ellie and although they are some of the cutest girls I have ever seen I wonder what type of affect are they truly having on my baby girls . For an example, PK and Cuppie don’t even call themselves by their given names instead they refer to each other as Pkya and Cullie , yes its a play on the other girls name. They play make believe all day which isn’t too far out of the ordinary , the problem is , the play doesn’t stop in church at the grocery store, at the salon , at the nail shop, the dentist and suddenly Pkya has invited this journey into make believe to her kindergarten class. And that’s where I had to draw the line .

Not only do we have Nya and Ellie we have other grown women that dress up in outfits and film themselves playing with different toys. Am I the only person who thinks that that some kind of unfulfilled dreams that they are living out and because of that am I wrong for not allowing my kids watch these weird youtube videos? Another weird thing is these adults who film themselves playing with dolls, puppy surprises, and surprised eggs. Because I am a hover mom I do watch the videos and I have been just a little shocked to watch as spider man and barbie became parents and actually had a spider baby. Now remember these are adults. I guess its adults who write and produce these cartoons that are so adult too.

I would like to hear your feed back what do you think about this new sensation? Please comment

Loving life!