There is a Differennce 

I grew up in a male dominated home.  In fact on one side of my family I was the only girl for over 20 years, so when I say that I understand men,  I really do . At the same time I am a woman and compared to the simplistic mind of a man we are  very complicated and all around different individuals. And that’s OKAY,  it actually balances us all out. 

I really understood the differences in males and females more when I had children.  I gave birth to two boys first and life was simple and easy.,Very easy, sometimes too easy.Then I had two girls and everyday of my life  since then is full of emotions that do not necessarily match up to their situations.  I have always wondered why my parents were so happy that I was the only girl,  I get it now.  

Women think months and sometimes years ahead in the future.  Before my husband even asked me to marry him I had already matched his name to mine . I planned our wedding, in a botanical garden with only family and decided where we would live and that was all after about 6 months of dating  (give or take).  

Women pay attention to every detail of everything anybody does.  We make constant mental notes,  consciously and unconsciously.  And when it comes to the opposite sex,  we will ALWAYS over exaggerate his advances.  It’s the nature of it all ( Remember Eve)  to think it’s more than it is and if it’s not we try to make it happen.  

Men are not oblivious to the things we do. Although they do not always realize all women’s advances toward them,  they do realize when they are taking things too far and then phone calls , text messages and other things stop.  And since  social media and smart phones have gained notoriety the advances of men toward women have increased.  The funny part about it is that in this time there is no need for mental notes,  you have a life long receipt and if you’re technologically savvy those media records are now filed on hard copy.  Yup you screen shoot those messages and have them printed off and now there can be no denying what you said and the intent you had behind it.  

So here are about 5 things Men cannot say to a woman… Via inbox,  text on a street unless you are really showing some interest and how a woman receives that message. 

1. MAN- HEY HOW ARE YOU?  

WOMAN-HE LIKES ME 

2. M… WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS AFTERNOON? 

W… UM,  HE LIKES ME. 

3. M… SENDING ANY KIND OF Emoj 

W… He looked thru his phn for this,  he likes me.

4. M… THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE IN TOWN CALL ME. 

W…CALL HIM, HE LIKES ME. 

5. M… I like that too. 

W… He likes me. 

You have to be very careful of the kind of vibes you put out.  I know  I’m slightly over exaggerating the truth but there are enough windows broken out of cars,  enough hacked pages,  enough broken cell phones and enough clothes bleached or burned in a year to back up my thoughts.  LOL

Chocolate and Chicken Wings… 

TESHA 

TOXIC Relationships

A few years back, when I was in college,  I met a group of ladies and fell in love with our friendship.  And over the course of the semester we grew to be what I thought was best friends.  We talked about everything and shared everything . To me we were more than friends we were sisters. 

…And then we entered second semester.  My GPA was important and it was pageant season,  I had to work on my body.  I had gained too much weight during the previous semester. Yearbook ( I was an editor)deadlines were coming to an end and I had started a new job and interestingly enough I found time to start dating someone new.  I was stressed,  needed fun,  mistakenly started hanging with a crazy crew of individuals,  just for laughs and an escape.  I lost track of what was going on with my roommates… I had lost track with everything.  Actually writing this blog is allowing me to remember things I had forgotten. 

One day I went to my dorm room trying to establish some normalcy and one of my roommates called me over to her side.  She started telling me things about one of our roommates.  I was astonished,  I could not believe what she was telling me. She even told me that my roommate hated me . Puzzled,  I thought about all those times I let her use my car,  brought her to my house for dinner,  went to games with her.  Inside my heart I knew this wasn’t true. But it had to be because these are my friends,  would they lie to me?  

I kept my distance but I still didn’t believe,  didn’t accept it really.  I can remember speaking to her and everyone telling me not to.  Pretty soon it had gotten the best of her and she moved out.  I left a month after her,  it was too much for me.  I couldn’t live with all the tension anymore and I started to think,  if they did it to her,  why wouldn’t they do me the same way.  

I never spoke to my roommates after I moved out.  I saw them around campus but things were never the same. I’m sure we have varying stories of these events but here is my truth.  

A few years later I was at one of my parents churches when I bumped into the roommate that they turned me against.  When we saw each other we both screamed with excitement.  I was more than just a little happy to see her and I think she felt similar.  We’ve kept in touch every since that moment.  We even have a child that shares the same name ( coincidentally). 

I look back over those years lost.  The misunderstanding that took place and how many years it sabotaged our relationship.  All because one person took a wonderful friendship and made it toxic. No matter what kind of seed you plant whether it’s healthy or unhealthy it has a way of growing. And though it may grow,  the growth doesn’t have to continue.  

We all have toxic individuals in our lives. A mature mind can distinguish the good and bad.  It’s awful when you know you’re the one that is actually toxic. 

Do you have toxic friends? 

Are you involved in toxic relationships? 

Are you the toxic friend?  

#familyfirst

#21daysofprayerandcounting 

Private vs Public 

Twelve Years ago I enrolled my oldest cchild, 

Peyton into a private school.I had no real reasons for why I did , literally it was one of the only schools that had a 4 year old program that I knew about that would take children during thetheir 

spring session.  And because I was a single mom at the time I had to count up the cost,  and this school fit in my budget.  

My son started school in January of 2005. In his class there were 7 other students and one other teacher.   They learned through the process of reputition and consistent practice.  There was only one class per grade level, and sometimes two grades in one classroom which in most cases was a great advantage to learning. I was impressed with the amount of learning that took place within one week of school.  I knew we would be there for a while. 

By the end of school my son could wite his first and last name in cursive,  he knew how to count by 10’s, he had memorized several Bible Scriptures,  could speak and understand some Spanish, and he could add and subtract. I was sold and for the next 7 year’s he was afforded the same education with the same 7 kids from k-4 to the 7th grade. 

I was saddened when the school closed abruptly in 2013 as he was about to enter the 8th grade. I had a choice to make, would I keep him and my 2nd son in private school or would I enroll them in public school. 

I am a product of public school so I have no issues with public schools.  But with all the changes and required testing not to mention the class sizes,  it would be so different and a bigger adjustment for them to make,  so it was easier to make the decision to go to another private school.  This time a much larger private school that incorporated sports,  clubs, and more advance placement courses. 

They soared in their new school,  made a lot of new friends and advanced in their preferred sport.  And now was the time for their little sister and my first daughter to enter kindergarten.  I was excited that she would attending the same school. I didn’t think it would be any different but after one month of school, I’m thinking why aren’t there anymore black girls in school with her.  And why I never thought of this when my boys were in school. 

I never thought after 12 years of school with my sons that I would ever question my choice of schools.  Don’t get me wrong,  she has two wonderful teachers,  a class of only 18 students. They have great special classes and she’s learning a lot. And within a month her vocabulary ( as in words she can spell) has increased tremendously. She’s adding,  subtracting, she’s making friends,  getting dirty,  and most of all she has lunch w her big brother daily. 

 But is she missing something by not being in school with other black girls?  Of course she is.  Is that my fault, of course it’s not!  And when she asked me to wear her hair flat ironed am I alarmed,  of course but aren’t all 5 year old wearing their hair straightened?!  Just not mine. 

I’d like to live in world where there is a balance to life.  Where people wouldn’t snub their noses to private institutions but embrace it.  I’d like to live in a world where my differences are not discouraged but encouraged.  I’d like to live in a society where there are just as many mixed private schools as there are private predominantly white schools.  I just may have to open one… Until then I’ll continue to invest in my kids education and continue to tell them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. 

Family First! #21daysofprayerand counting 

Tesha

Staying in Control

I took a leave from my job in my second trimester of pregnancy with my first daughter. My husband and I felt like it would be a good idea that I focused on my new life (we had recently moved). 

I took advantage of the time and the money I was still getting from a side job that didn’t require me getting out of bed. For the next five years , I stayed up late every night and slept in late every morning  . After all I didn’t have any real obligations to meet. Life was sort of out of control.

In 3 years we had 3 babies. Hours and hours were devoted to cleaning , cooking and washing clothes. We had no social life unless you consider it a social moment in between naps and feedings and changing diapers.  I was exhausted daily.  

More and more we filled our days with social media and babies.  Pretty soon we had lost focus on life and our plans,  our goals,our future.  I begin to  wonder if we still had the same goals,  were we on the same page.  And I started to wonder what exactly was he finding interesting on these social media platforms so late at night and so early in the morning.  Is he seeking attention from others because I’m too tired to wife? 

This is so common in so many marriages or relationships,  social media has taken over common courtesy,  normal conversation, reality. We are captivated in a world with friends that we rarely see in person , so worried about who’s liking your pictures and who just commented on you status.  And because it’s so much easier to express your feelings via a text or an inbox message its been very easy to allow emotional affairs to happen.  They happen simple and without warning. 

Innocent as it may seem,  your life in a committed relationship with your spouse is extremely attractive to other people.  People seeking to have what you’re giving your spouse.  And it’s so much easier because we have direct access to the world and we can talk to everyone.  

You know there used to be a time where people met each other at work. Had to use pay phones to call each other,  left early to meet up,  returned home late.  It took some major skill to cheat.  But now you don’t even need someone’s phone number to call,  you can Facebook call, and video chat. You can text or “sext” each other creating much more of a problem.   Once your mind gets into it and it becomes emotional its way worse than if it was just physical.  

Husband’s and wives guard your marriages,  use wisdom when dealing with the opposite sex. Use wisdom when it comes down to using your social media pages . Manage healthy boundaries and if you cannot handle the temptation get off. 

BTW Anthony was not seeking the attention of another woman.  He has the gift of text gab,  that needed healthy boundaries .

Totally

Tesha 

I’m Concerned¬†

Six Year’s ago I was in the best shape of my life. I had a flat tummy,  energy to run and a determination to eat to live, not living to eat.  I expected the rest of my life to be lived the exact same way. Then I had Pk,  Peach and Port and my living to eat was reintroduced to all unhealthy foods . Thank God for breast feeding because of that I was able to salvage my stomach muscles that are often lost during pregnancy. And because my size two is currently  a 4/6 I still have hope… Right?  

But I am concerned that we don’t care enough about our bodies,  we do not care enough about what we put into our bodies.  I’m concerned that our lives will be cut off too early because we cannot say no to fatty foods.  And we will not exercise for goodness sake. 

Although we live in a world of medically enhanced bodies,  waist trainers,  gyms on every corner we aren’t taking advantage of these resources.  We have the opportunity to live the best life we can but we rather eat the best Burger we can… I’m concerned. 

When I had my first two babies in my 20’s I was able to run and play just about as much as they did,  but I noticed with my 3 year I was not able to play outside with him as long. This concerned me,  I have allowed life,  a husband and kids cause me to neglect my body.  My body is a temple and I’m the temple keeper.  Immediately I cut my caloric intake,  restructuring my life for fitness and good health. 

While I’m on this subject… We have to not only keep our health together,  we need to keep our skin,  hair and nails together too. There is no reason that we should let life keep you from allowing yourself look it’s best.  And this goes for all women,  married or single. 

This may be more of an environmental blog post bc I can remember while living in a different area that women seemed to be more actively concerned about their bodies as well as their appearance. Maybe it was more competition,  idk.  It shouldn’t be about competition it should be about your health,  your well being. Living a long life,  experiencing your best. 

Are you a good temple keeper?