18 Lies about a relationship

There several myths about relationships that need to be dealt with effectively and honestly. And let me begin by saying that I am totally into the relationship thing. I’m married to my best friend, we laugh, we fuss, we fight, and we make up. All in all we want to see the best in each other but the reality of things is that if I had known some of the things I found out about him after marriage , life could have possibly been blissful. So let’s get started.

1. Marriage/relationships makes you blind to the opposite sex. There nothing more ignorant than a person saying , “I didn’t see him/her.” Yes you will look but you have to make the respectful decision not to lust. Or look twice ( smile)

2. You have to have similar interests in order to make it. No its good to have similar interests and even better when you have one or more than one interest that has nothing to do with your partner.

3. You become one…no you are two different individuals with the same last name . You have to learn to think on the same page which may take several months to accomplish.

4. Marriage can make a bad relationship better. Nope it will make it worse and will leave you in a bad place.

5. I will wait on my , “Boaz,” and he will be a provider. Hmmm I’m sure I will return to this one but one thing you women have to remember,  all men are different and if you were independent when he met you why would you want to revert? 

6. My life will be complete once I meet my mate. If your life is not complete now it will only get worse after marriage because you’ll lose yourself being so consumed in , married life.

7. The first 2 years of your marriage is guaranteed to be successful bc you are in love…hmm I don’t have enough time to talk about that. LOVE, ok

8. You don’t marry the family you marry the individual. When you get married you marry that person , the family, goldfish and the dog. You may not invite them over, they are not in everyday conversation but the moment you say one wrong thing about the family including the dog or the gold fish…you will realize you did marry the family. 

9. I’m looking for my Ruth…her name is Ranisha and she’s not that virtuous woman that you desired bc she’s 22 and has no idea what direction she wants her life to go into. Don’t rush it.  

10. Living together before marriage can show rather or not I should be with this person for life or not! No that just allows you to realize that marriage is not for you !

11. Communication is in the form of talking. Nope not the truth , sometimes you have to listen and care. Actions are always louder.

12. I will figure out my career once I find a man/woman . No figure that out before bc a relationship will only complicate or delay things if you are not focused or career minded. 

13. Its ok to have friends of the opposite sex…see my above statement…I married my best friend .

14. Do things differently from couples around you … don’t take advice from no one. Look on those who has had successful before you. It will bless you !

15. Back to Boaz…he was just one person although I teach all young girls to wait until He finds you and that is what is most important. His name may not be Boaz but its most important that you wait till he finds you.

16. Being single means telling it and showing it all the time. The biggest mistake singles is make is broadcasting it constantly. After so long you have created a fictitious person and you are no longer single you are currently dating an imaginary man. And no man in his right mind would want to fit into your fantasy.

17. Marriage is easier than dating…well once the date is over you go home to your own house ( respectively)and you go to bed in your own bed and you don’t have to talk to the other person until you decided to pick up the phone and you don’t have to see that person…all the time. So enjoy the dating process. Get to know yourself as well as the person you are dating.

18. Social media will not affect my relationship. Unless you are married 40 years and have proven yourself as a trustworthy person then yea I can see it not affecting you. But early in a relationship, social media will affect things. Its ok not to post everything. Its ok not to post anything. Its none of our business anyway. And always, always be wise in adding and commenting it will make or break a relationship.

What is your worth…

I will call myself a biography buff. I am totally inspired by individuals life’s journey. I am captivated by their stories, their failures and their successes. Hours after my house is asleep I spend time on the internet searching, looking, linking individuals together and wondering why some are so much more successful than others.

You know bio’s are a part of our life. It lets us all know what road you took to become successful. Its also a map for others to use if they too want to be successful. You know , famous people have a drive that is second to none. How many successful famous , lazy people do you know?

You can easily recognize a famous individuals worth. Its written in something. Its flashed on some television show. There are things named in their honor and there are television shows for the specific purpose of honoring them. We are able to watch and we share in their joy. But what about the common man. There are no award shows committed for the sole purpose of honoring that person who was a faithful janitor in the public school district. There is not a televised awards show for being the best mom a kid can have. You will not get a park named after you , for being a great little league coach. Even though what you have done was exceptional there is just not enough recognition for great works. But does that make you unworthy?

Never in my life would I ever think about my worth as much as I do now. In high school and college it seemed like I knew who I was and where I wanted to go in life. I went to college, I followed a dream. I detoured in some areas but I always found myself in the right place . And after I achieved every goal I desired , I found myself questioning am I worthy of more. How strange is that?

Remember when I told you I was trying find myself again? Well this is totally a part of that journey. First thing I’ve done in my journey is realizing that I am worth , LIFE! Yes , life. Something as simple as living and breathing is often taken for granted to the point of not realizing that you deserve to be living . And since I and you deserve to be living , make life important.

Just because things have not happened for you in the way you think that things should happen for you doesn’t mean that you not worthy of things happening just the way you desire them to happen. If you’ve failed in some areas , pick up the pieces and start over. If you are not satisfied in an area, change positions. You are worth more than you will ever know.


To Clarify…

My last post must have been one that everybody read. I was very transparent on purpose but I think a few sentences caught some of you by surprise. I opened the door to a moving car, not because I was trying to kill myself or harm myself. I opened the door bc I was so consumed with other things that I forgot the car was moving, and the funny thing is, I wasn’t even driving. Anthony looked over at me and said what are you doing… My mind had been engulfed in so many things that I didn’t realize the car was moving until I opened the door and could feel the wind blowing against my cheeks. What a way to begin life again! I’m moving on, and the past few months have been wonderful. Please be patient with me as the updates come in slow but I am determined to document my progress as I move forward in greatness.

The Blame Game

I’ve been Angry for a while. And when I say a while its been about six years of deep rooted , unexplained , heavy and wasteful , unquestionable anger. I’ve hated everything about my life from waking up in the morning till going to bed at night and every hour in between , I’ve lived in a place of no peace. And nothing, I mean nothing has made me happy, not even a pair of shoes. Its a prickly situation when you find yourself angry and not remembering why you are so angry.

Anger consumes your life. It makes you forget that the seasons are changing, you no longer look at the months of the year and take pleasure in the small things like the flowers blooming. You no longer think about how bright the Sun is shinning, you don’t look forward to the week end, small trips out of town , or the fact that its almost the ending of another school year. When you are angry , you miss everything small and everything that’s supposed to be grand in your life is crowded by thoughts of wanting it to end soon.

Anger takes away your rest, it messes with your relaxation. It gives anxiety to situations that do not require anxiousness. It slowly brings over a blanket of depression that makes you think you are nothing and that maybe your life is not even worth living. Anger clouds your vision, it allows you to see others faults more than you see your own. Anger allows your insecurities to become magnified and only gives you courage to blame your life’s faults on others rather than realizing that the fault is in you.

I knew I was in a bad place the moment I opened the door of a moving vehicle to try and rid myself of a situation I created. My anger had created a world around me that was not exactly a reality, (if that makes sense to you) . I was actually functioning in a real life fantasy and in my fantasy world it wasn’t even my fault. But as the wind slapped me in my face , I realized I’ve got to change some things and change them quickly.

The day before all of this happened I looked a picture of myself from three years earlier, I couldn’t look at the picture for more than a second because I could see the sadness in my eyes. You never realize that sadness can lead to bitterness and bitterness only leads to anger. And there is no where else to go from anger unless you decide to change.

When I finally made it home that night, I actually took inventory on my situation and counted up the cost, I realized that for 6 years I’ve blamed someone for something I could have prevented.

Now I have to fight to make up these 6 years …where do I begin?