As I worked on our weekly television broadcast, I decided to do a search on the definition of a baby daddy . As if there is an actually real definition of what it is. To my surprise the internet is loaded with definitions of what it is to be a , “baby’s daddy.” But its quite funny that none of the definitions included the words dead beat, low down, unwilling, selfish , ungrateful, indecisive, good for nothing, or disrespectful . The phrase Baby Daddy was popularized by a song in the 90’s and has since gained popularity as celebrities use the phrase to describe their significant others. However , “Baby Daddy’s ” have been around for centuries.
One of the first could be , Abraham. He fathered a son by Hagar, his wife’s handmaiden. But our first real examples in the United States of baby daddy’s will take us back to slavery times. In slavery times , Master or Massah would pick an individual lady to be his main girl. He would use and abuse her body sometimes willingly most of the time unwillingly ( on the part of the female). And once she had his baby , he was on to the next. Funny thing is that historical stories passed down throughout the years would suggest that Master was happy that he had in fact impregnated the slave , however because she was lower than an animal he would not take the time to nurse or nourish that baby that was flesh of his flesh ( sound familiar) . Oftentimes we see stories where that baby grew up in the house as a maid or a baby nurse. They may have inherited some land but all in all they were not embraced as a son or daughter.
See for so long we have blamed one thing after the other on the black male but in fact a lot of things didn’t come from the black man. This is why I know that we can change history and we can change a generation. I am reminded of my upbringing,my mother being a hairstylist , spent a lot of her late nights in the salon. Dinner was always prepared for us and there were always plenty of after school snacks available, But for the most part we spent our nights with our father. He took us to dance, cheerleading, soccer, cross country, reading circle, play practice, chorus , band and more. My father having been raised by his father , knew what it was to be a real father . The thing about this is that now that my oldest brother is a father he’s doing the same thing. I see a lot of my male cousins participating in the lives of their children the same ways. This what we call generational blessings!!!
More to come
There are many subjects that catch my attention. Mostly because it has or it had something to do with my existence. Over the years I always say that I’ve lived the best of both worlds. Although sheltered for most of my life , I was a PK ( as Pastors Kid) so I have had my fair share of experiences that were lived through others. Life sometimes seemed like a soap opera but in reality that was their reality. I should have watched some of these experiences from and distance and never allowed myself to get wrapped up in a reality that was far from my upbringing.
When I was just 21 years old I became pregnant with my son Peyton. Upon telling the father that I was indeed having his baby, his response was , “we don’t have to be together to have a baby.” Prior to that point we had , “been together,” for years! Astonished at his response to me , I had to tell my parents this bit of news and start preparing my mind to live with a baby daddy.
I decided to attend another school in a different state. I chose to just move on. From the point he made his comment , no tears were she , no frustration , and no fear, I just moved on. There were days that I felt like things should have been different. Hormones and other things influenced some of the feelings that I had, but for the most part I was fine with his decision.
While I was in school trying to keep up with my classes and trying to hold up in mind that I was carrying a baby for someone who didn’t want me , I often thought that even though I was raised differently and more was expected out of me I was no different from anyone else. I fell into the same cycle as everyone else. But just because I was there didn’t mean I had to remain there!(So despite all the stories you have heard about me , none of them are true I just wanted a real life drama free!!!)
The thing about this , is that I am not alone in my story . There are countless women that stand in my same shoes . The difference is how you handle things. When I first started the thought of this blog my husband asked was I going to man bash and throw all men under the bus . And yes for the most part that was my objective but the more I read into the epidemic ( and it is an epidemic) of baby daddism I realized that it’s not all the fault the man and it’s probably going to be up to the woman to stop this cycle.
Women lets face it when it comes down to strength to provide and take care of a family, we have it. Whether you are married or not its up to you to make sure that things are done in the house. So its got to be up to us to stop the cycle!
To be continued…