Dream Killers

I don’t know if I ever blogged about the fact that my son plays basketball. He was a natural who started playing ball spontaneously when he was only 2 years old . He loved the game and he seemed very interested in the game and what it was about. It was not a shock to me when he tried out for the basketball team and made it each year. He spent his first three years playing at a smaller private school transferring to his new school in the fall of 2013.

I wanted him to have a better experience with school sports so it was a pretty simple decision when his school closed that I would enroll him into a school with a larger basketball program. Peyton tried out for the team as an 8th grader and was a starter and by the end of the year he was playing some with the High School team . He had a wonderful coach that year too and he poured some great things into Peyton and not just Peyton , we watched as all the guys on that team grew and developed as athletes . We were well prepared to enter into his Freshman year. In the 9th grade he was a starting player on the Varsity team, it was a marvelous feeling to see your Freshman son get a chance to play on the High School team . He was the only black on the team but for a while that didn’t make any difference. He was enjoying the process . And then he entered his 11th grade year, same team , same coach , only thing that was different was that there was a new freshman on the team . And this Freshman had friends in high places. Well not just friends a Dad in high places and a wonderful last name to go with it. His last name managed to bench Peyton for the majority of his 11th grade year.

We spent many days upset praying and crying about the situation . See no one really realizes this but your 11th grade year alone is what sets the atmosphere for your senior year. It makes you think about life a little more because you realize you have college near, what do I want to be , how can I become successful, can I possibly get a scholarship for college? But all of this can’t happen if you don’t have the right people in your corner backing you up. Sometimes it really does take an entire village to raise a child and most of that village better be positive and proactive . We used both approaches, talking to the coach, asking questions, encouraging , praying , fasting , you know all the things that real parents do . I say we , as in my parents and myself . And for some time Peyton question even returning to the team his senior year. One night during the game he just walked off the court. I watched the tears swell up in his eyes. He stopped talking about playing ball in college, he even stopped watching basketball on television . He was totally over the call for Basketball.

At the end of school an email came thru …the basketball coach had resigned. He was no longer in the position as head basketball coach . What did that mean for Peyton ? Well his dreams of playing ball in college has dwindled. I was slightly afraid that he didn’t want to play ball this year and was secretly praying that he would come back with a fresh perspective. I walked into the gym after school one day last week to find my other son and just noticed Peyton standing and looking somewhat unconcerned and a little displaced. He had an interview with a recruiter who asked him a simple question , what do you think about Basketball, his response , I had a bad experience last season and my idea of playing basketball has changed. I needed a broom and a dust pan after I heard him say that , My heart crumbled into a million pieces. I had big dreams for him , I saw him in a place that he can no longer see for himself.

There are dream killers all around us , whether they do it consciously or unconsciously it happens. So what do we do ? First of all like I say all the time …you have to know who you are and what you are supposed to do on Earth. You need a positive support team , someone to cheer you on even when they don’t see you at your best. When they only see the potential in you and know that you can do better and be a star. Sometimes these dream killers are motivation to you to let you know that you can do better and you will succeed. But again everyone is not wired the same so its always best to be a support, when someone can’t see that the glass is half full. Dream killers try to stop your flow, they try to end your motivation they try to kill your dreams but once you recognize them for who they are you can stop and say I shall live and not die and declare the works of the Lord. I have often heard the preacher say, who’s report will you believe? I will believe the report of the Lord, his report says I am an achiever, I am the head and not the tail.

Speak positive things over your life daily , allow people to speak both things that may hurt you but will build you. Character is everything, purpose is fulfilling , never allow an individual to kill your future and above all…Don’t be a Dream Killer. I’m excited to give you an update on this year with Peyton, I’m only speaking positive things and we are guaranteed positive results.

Speaking Positive
Embracing the Future
Basically…Tesha

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Yup

Sometimes your toughest Job is being you , without any apologies. It’s also a tough job to hold your tongue in the most difficult situations. I have not always taken the high road but I’ve taken it enough to know how it feels to keep moving in the most difficult situations.

Yesterday as I was folding laundry, I began to cry and question God . It was all of a sudden and for some reason I was unable to share my experience with anyone but as I thought about life as a whole and the cycles of life and how they repeat, I was overcome with emotions. Life has a way of replacing things , people and relationships that were removed or aborted . In a lot of cases its a good thing but in some cases those replacements are not the best. I wept for the individuals that were aborted and removed because of relationships. I cried for those who were victims or circumstances , those who allowed others to persuade them , those that got off track looking back at situations that were dead .

I remember the story of Cain and Able , because of jealousy , envy and pure evilness Cain killed Abel. God gave Adam and Eve a replacement named Seth but what about replacing Cain , Cain was a restless wanderer of the Earth . He was cursed with a curse to never be able to yield a crop anymore and never have any rest. The worse part of it is that he was marked that no one could even kill him. So even in his misery of life , he couldn’t be killed and if they did kill him they would suffer 7 times worse than he had to experience. Just imagine for once how God judged every other murderer after this. Surely Cain wasn’t the exception to the rule.

Sometimes in life we feel like we make decisions and in our decisions are exceptions to rules. As if our life is perfect and without flaws, bruises and blemishes. It hurts me so badly to see someone walk through a life situation and are put down, dismissed and torn down by the very people who’ve walked through the same situation they’ve faced. There is no secret that I was a single mother, it was no secret that I had two children unmarried. It is no secret that I was embarrassed, hurt and disappointed but I survived and from that point forward I was in the position to help walk through individuals who walked through the same situation as I walked through. But even before I had my son’s I still had compassion for those who walked through the process prior to marriage. Is the sin the baby or the sin the premarital sex( different blog)? But still just bc you cannot bare a child or didn’t get caught are you the exception to the rule?

So I diverted a little bit on my subject of replacing , and removing …Let me get back to it . It is a tough job just being you . And sometimes we link up with the wrong people at the wrong times causing more burdens to our lives than blessings . Ever watched Fatal Attraction or Dateline NBC. And then sometimes we take on the roles of other people that were not divinely appointed for our destiny. Its a sad moment to see a someone who is operating outside of their God given ability. But if you don’t know you it is easy to take on roles that you want to have besides being who God designed you to be . It is also tough to be genuinely you …when other people seem to be more exciting.

Just as Cain and Abel had choices on how generously they planned to give their first fruits to God , we have choices that we must make in how we should treat one another, talk to one another , respect each other , and love each other . It is your will to love them to life or kill them with your words, the worse part of it is that they both have consequences and there is no exceptions because of age and gender.

We can read about Cain and Abel , we can read about Jonathon and David, David and Absolom, Paul and Barnabus, Jesus and Judas, Sampson and Deliliah , heck we can read about Whitney and Bobby , Brittney and Kevin or any person who has been involved in toxic situations. We’ve all been there , we’ve seen it happen but there is no exception to its ending . I choose the high road…there is no exceptions for this PK.

Loving Life

Tesha

School Time

As we embark on a new school year , excitement is in the air. I’m still wondering why kids get so excited about new glue and crayons but I guess if crayons make you happy I can go with it. But this year is one of those exceptional years , I have a senior . I know I’ve bored yall with the fact that he is graduating but you have to realize he was just born the other March , there is no way that he is ready to graduate. I digress.

This year is also the beginning of a school year with Daddy away in school. I thought about all of this when he decided to dedicate his life to the United States Air Force. I know I’ve said it over and over again but just in case this is your first time reading any of my blogs , Anthony (husband) has been away from us serving in Air Force since April . That’s 5 months that he’s been away from the family and 5 months that I have been on my own , well I do have a wonderful support system . He will be home at the end of the year and we are pretty excited about the new phase in his career upon his return .

It is my prayer that this school year be one the most successful school years of all time . My prayer is that all of the school assignments that are sent home are miraculously done on time and with little effort. I pray that the basketball season will be the best of all time . I pray that Pk and Cuppie have the best adventures in Elementary ( subscribe to their Vlog Parkah and Cuppie Show on youtube) . I pray that Pier takes a break from liking girls and that Peyton enjoys Math. I pray that Portland learns to be good . I pray that tennis shoes last longer than a month, socks stay together , uniforms don’t shrink, that hair stays in place and that no one , no one leaves anything at home that must be at school right away .  I pray that tires stay inflated, police stay in their place, fights stay an after thought. Germs stay where they came from and viruses return to where they were invented.  I pray that lunch stretches and breakfast too.  I pray against the spirit of detention and demerits, lost homework and the ghost that steals pencils and pens. Speaking of that …I’m blogging but I clearly forgot to buy one of kids any school supplies.  Yeah, I gotta go …

Anyway I’m praying for you as well.

 

Loving Life

Tesha

A House…Manager

In my entire life I have not heard so many women complain or talk about tackling their housework as a struggle. How do you struggle to keep your own place together? And for a while I thought that people were just kidding and then I was invited to their houses and realized so this is an issue . And we all know that issues turn into problems. So what’s the deal , has social events and wasting time caused us to miss our opportunity to successfully manage our homes.  Or have mother’s dropped the ball in successfully teaching us how to manage a home . Was life too rapid to realize that this is a necessity for living .

Growing up , not only did my mother teach me how to be a good person, how to keep myself clean but she also taught me how to clean , wash clothes and the normal order of how to keep a house when you’re married and have kids. I’m as old as I am and I’ve been married 7 years and she’s still giving me advice and wisdom so that life won’t do me before I do it.  Life has a way of getting away from you and you have keep things in order or before you know it you’ll be overwhelmed. My mother ministered about this several years ago and since she doesn’t blog this blog is from her to you . Enjoy.

There are a few things  that people must do everyday and there are some things you do every week and then there are things you do once a month. So I have compounded a list that we all need to do in order to stay on top of life. This is called successful living . Here we go ..

  1. Make up your beds- daily
  2. sweep the floors and vacuum -daily ( especially if you have pets)
  3. clean bathroom-daily
  4. wash clothes and fold- daily
  5. dishes washed and kitchen clean after every meal/daily
  6. mop/ weekly
  7. dust/ every other day
  8. Put clothes up/daily
  9. clean children’s rooms/ daily
  10. Take trash out / as needed
  11. Sweep the front porch/ twice a week (especially in the fall)
  12. Throw away happy meal toys and broken toys//daily – otherwise your house will look like a daycare
  13. mail/ once a week and go paperless
  14. garage /weekly
  15. closets/monthly most clothes are disposable especially the inexpensive boutique clothing

 

If you practice these 15 steps you will be a happier person will a more organized life. Tonight Ill post about routines.

 

Loving managing

 

and life

 

Tesha

School is Starting …soon

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So far I have gone through 12 school years of school with my babies. And this is the year that my first little friend graduates from High School. To a lot of people this is a big deal and it means adulthood and moving on to a new phase . Child please I was just at this point around a few years ago and in no way was I prepared for what was about to happen in the next 4-5 years. Now I’m sitting in a corner trying to brace myself for May 2018.

Girls are very different , when I was in the 11th grade I knew what I wanted to be , how long it was going to take me to complete my schooling and where I wanted to go to school. Now I asked my first friend Peyton, what do you wanna be  in life , he said I want to go into sports medicine. Now I’m not that person that is just going to go with the flow and let him decide for himself. I am a youth pastor and I see kids screw their lives up all the time and the end up in careers that don’t pay and waste all kinds of dollars on nothing . And then you ask them what they are doing in 10 years and they say well I’m going to school to be what you saw in me a long time ago.  And you look at them and think…wow you’ve wasted 10 years of your life doing something you hate. So with that said , this school year as Peyton goes through his senior year , enjoying all of his senior functions, spending our money ( my parents included) and passing all of his classes I am going to remind him that I cannot do his homework in college and the quicker he finishes college the more money he can have in his pocket.

College is a family affair just because its his senior year and bc he turns 18 doesn’t mean that they have all the answers its still up to us as parents or in my case , “best friends,” ( I will one day tell you why I say that ) lead our children in the proper directions .

Reminding Peyton that he is a natural teacher…and Loving life

Tesha

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Socially Speaking…Or Whatever

It was not by accident that I stumbled into the coma of social media. I mean it was what everyone was doing and it was a fun place to meet and see a lot of people that you had once met or went to high school and college with . Those early moments of social media were wonderful . I honestly don’t remember what we did on myspace besides change our pictures and add backgrounds but I reconnected with a lot of people . And then all of a sudden one day someone asked…”what’s on your mind…” And then life changed , forever .  And before you knew it, every single thing that was on someone’s mind was currently in our face . And  while some consistently posted the happier portions of life there were those who shared or shares every portion of their life. Even those unpleasant moments in a water closet.

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For several years I was intrigued by what I was seeing . I loved keeping up with my facebook friends and my twitter partners . I loved their special moments and was mad with them in their unhappy and unpleasant times.  It was exciting when people told all their business and at the same time it was quite strange . And then a few times I started dreaming about them and then they became a part of my everyday vocabulary. I was obsessed with the amount of likes I got for a picture and whether or not someone commented on my posts and when they commented how many agreed and disagreed.

One day I had a full fledged disagreement with my husband about an old , “heifer, ” who had posted on his page about our new baby.  Although his only role in this is that she was a friend of one of his family members and since he had tagged his family , SHE seen the picture and was very happy not only to congratulate on the picture but to also send him an inbox message saying the same thing and adding, ” don’t be a stranger. ”

Routinely we had arguments over who was added as friend , who crossed boundaries when they posted something. My husband and I even had arguments over Meme’s , yes about how late it was when he finally acknowledged that I sent it to him . We even cried and planned to attend funerals of people we never met but happened to be social media friends with , ahhh I was in deep .

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One morning after a horrible night of sleep and after my morning devotion and prayer time I did what I normally do , I scrolled down every social media site I had and I asked myself a simple question …, ” what were you doing before social media.”  It took me a little while to remember but I read more, I prayed more, I was more in touched with myself and what I liked. I exercised more, I ate better , I watched movies before they were reviewed online, the newspaper was common for me . I had friends that I spoke with in person , and we had outside interest. I missed a lot of pictures because I was caught up with the moment and not the opportunity to post a picture. I was home by the time I posted a picture and when I saw someone I knew,  I spoke .  I had a circle of friends. I was loyal to them , and if they made me mad we talked about it in person and no one outside of them said anything in public, well they may have but word didn’t travel that fast.  I wasn’t indirectly posting about someone and someone wasn’t indirectly posting about me because we didn’t post. And those people who weren’t in my life bc life had separated us was probably God’s will … and since His will is that I prosper and be in good health , change is inevitable.

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Life was completely different, and although some people tend to want to live a love and hip hop type life , I chose the HGTV world where I am playing in the back yard with my children , on dates with my husband, traveling with my parents , having crazy conversations with my friends and not checking every update that comes across my phone .

 

Loving Life

Without Social Media…well kinda

Tesha

Year 43.

This weekend we will celebrate the time of Pastoral Ministry for my father . I don’t know if I’ve ever written about the fact that we have celebrations but I think its fitting , considering the occasion.  Pastor appreciation services are a staple in the black community. The Church spends most of the year having fashion shows, fish fries , yard sales and special services , “on behalf of our Pastor.’ Each committee is well represented and there is an elected board ( not sure how that works) that determines who speaks on the programs, what the pastor and the family wears, what the church will eat and probably what they church would wear.

My earliest memories of church are Pastor appreciation services.  I remember the outfits and that parade we made down the aisle of the church while people stood and clapped. I wondered what they were clapping for and why I was walking to the front of the church to sit on a couch , yes a couch in the church with my parents. They made it really homey looking in the church with a couch and a lamp inside the church . Pretty cleaver and kinda country all at the same time.

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That day people who have never spoken before spoke to us and told us (and I say us because everyone usually included the entire family ) how much they appreciated and loved their PASTAH! A lot of tears shed, money exchanged , flowers and cards and then dinner was served. No appreciation service was complete without Chicken Dressing, Green Beans, Corn, Chicken , rolls and of course numerous sweets. We may not have always had name brand sodas but after a long day in church BIG K’s would hit the spot. And nobody could eat before the Pastor ate and there was someone standing guard to make sure that didn’t happen . After all it was his day .

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It was only until I was an adult that I realized why Pastor’s were celebrated . There is a scripture in the bible that says,  “You must not muzzle an ox to keep it from eating as it treads out the grain.” And in another place, “Those who work deserve their pay!” Being a pastor is a great sacrifice, it is a position that is not for the weak at heart. It is not about the glitz and the glam, its not about the new suits, those purple labels, and that brand new Cadillac . It’s certainly not a position that offers 401k’s , life or health insurances. And unless you’re not the founder of that beautiful building , something is in your name.Pastor’s are the first to be called in the case of an emergency . They are there for deaths and births.  And fortunately or unfortunately depending on the time of the call,  usually get the first call from a jail , collect.

As a teen and partly throughout my twenties I hated the choice that my father made to Pastor , but now I stand proudly with him . I’m proud of all of his accomplishments and his failures.  I appreciate his life of integrity and  his servants heart . He has taught me so much without saying a word and for this he is worthy to be celebrated.

Celebrating 43 years and counting…

loving life

Tesha